What?! Is this review of HEAVY METAL? That sci-fi/fantasy animated feature from the early '80s with all the blood, sex and rock 'n' roll the screen could handle?

You betcha. On March 8th, Columbia Pictures rolls HEAVY METAL back into theaters with sparkling new prints and Sony Digital Dynamic Sound.

When HEAVY METAL was originally released in 1981, I wanted _desperately_ to see it. Science fiction cartoon - it seemed right up my 6th-grader alley. Of course it was rated 'R', too, so my parents wouldn't let me see it. God bless their wisdom. Had I seen it then I would not have understood it, I would not have liked it and it may have warped me for life. (Well, maybe not for *life*. Maybe more like a few months.)

The movie relates six stories all of which revolve around this glowing green orb which is a power of universal evil. The orb appears in the lives of different characters and... creates change.

Watching HEAVY METAL tonight was trippy. I was completely transported back to the pop-aestheics of 1981. HEAVY METAL was made to be a stylish movie and some of the style is painfully outdated. The color pallete is the same as the Parker Brothers board game, Bonkers: purple, orange, yellow, beige, electric blue, neon green. If you're going to see this movie, you'll have to tolerate animation and effects that are sometimes crude by today's standards. You'll even have to see some projected lava-lamp backgrounds in a scene or two. And then, of course, there's the music: Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Cheap Trick, Devo, etc. I hadn't realized how long it's been since last I heard Journey.

Eventually, this time-warp nausea faded, mainly because the movie was made to be fun. I mean, come on, the opening credits sequence is of an astronaut leaving the space shuttle and driving to earth in a silver convertable. The on-going conflict between good and evil, natural and supernatural, is played out in hyperbolic fashion with a lot of funny lines. The women are hyperbolic as well - prodigiously endowed and quick to shed what little clothing they wear.

What surprised me most about HEAVY METAL is that you can find its descendants alive on TV today. The stories are reminiscent of Tales From The Crypt and its ilk. The visual comic-book style is just like anything on MTV's Oddities. And there's one character who bears a striking resemblance (in dress code and combat skill) to Aeon Flux. HEAVY METAL could have been the forebearer of all these.

If you liked HEAVY METAL in the theater in 1981 or on video since then, see it. The re-mastered sound is pretty sweet. If you like the music the movie offers or the sci-fi/fantasy/Creepshow-esque worlds it conjures, see it. If you want a T&A cartoon, or simply need something to do before you get the munchies, see it. But if you're not into these things... feel free to skip.

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